A Sarah Palin Stripper in Tampa for the Republican Convention = Awesome

Question is: How is $24 a month a "high-end client"

Update: The NY Times ran an extended version of this story today.

The Villages has more golf carts than New York has cabs

The Huffington Post had an extensive story recently on The Villages - America's largest retirement community (or colony) with 88,000 people. It's a great piece for anyone looking to understand the demographic changes going on in the U.S. and what they mean for Florida. Hint: In 20 years, Florida will have only two working-age adults to support one person over 62 - down from 4 to 1 today. 

It is also a bit Twilight Zone: the development's scale and isolation make it feel more like a colony than a community. Almost everyone is old, almost everyone drives a golf cart — they outnumber cabs in New York City by a factor of four — and almost everyone is white. But retirees of Hahnfeldt's generation, who are reshaping notions of what it means to be old, say that it sure beats the life they left behind.

Wife won't leave you alone? Call 911 immediately!

What do you do when your nagging wife won't leave you along at night to peruse Facebook, even after you've fed her 4 beers? The answer is obvious and is taught by parents across the country - you call in the cops to handle the situation. What else would a sensible person do?

The cops, who were crazy enough to think this wasn't an emergency, put the poor fellow in jail for 60 days for "abusing 911." It was his second offense, so he got even more time in the slammer.

via Tampa Bay Times

Doyle Hardwick said he "called 911 because he was upset about his wife sitting next to him and not going to sleep after he gave her beers to go to sleep," the deputy wrote. "His wife was supposed to go to sleep after he gave her the beers because that was their agreement. He wanted me to make his wife not sit next to him and go to bed like she was supposed to."

"I just wanted someone to make my wife do what I wanted her to do," Hardwick told the deputy.

Jennifer Carroll is not a lesbian. . . but no denial on the oral sex in the office part

A spit prevention hood will not stop this guy

Our nation's oldest city - St. Augustine - has again been subject to a stomach-biting naked peeing crazy man intent on destroying lawn furniture, denting cars and reeking general havoc on the neighborhood. And just because the cops show up (with a spit-prevention hood of course) doesn't mean he's gonna stop. Surprisingly, there was no evidence of substance abuse. . .  

via the Florida Times-Union:

It took five officers with two sets of handcuffs, leg shackles, a spit-prevention hood and Taser strikes to control Haughee, police said. Three officers were kicked, hit or bitten during the arrest. Haughee was taken to Flagler Hospital and anesthetized to calm him down, then jailed.

If You Make $8.50 an Hour, Rep. Bill Young Thinks You Need to Get a Damn Job

If you live in Florida and have a job that pays $8.50 an hour, you best quit asking for that $1.50 an hour raise and just get a damn job like everyone else. 

At least that's what Rep. C.W. Bill Young of Treasure Island recommended to one of his constituents at an Independence Day event on Wednesday. The constituent, who said he makes $8.50 an hour, asked the Congressman if he would support a bill by Jesse Jackson Jr. to raise the minimum wage to $10 an hour. "Probably not," Rep. Young said. "How about getting a job?" Damn straight Bill. Lazy bastards who bug their representatives instead of working like everyone else don't need $1.50 more an hour.  

(As this site points out, Young actually voted FOR a cost of living increase for himself and other members of Congress in 2010.)      

Naked Golf - Florida Edition

Tiger Woods' ex-wife has nothing on Larry Norman Hill of Pasco County. While she was chasing a cheating husband with a 9-iron, Larry decided to take advantage of the recent Florida floods to attack an abandoned Pontiac with a putter. Oh yeah - and he was completely naked, which of course is standard practice when attacking an inanimate object with a golf club.

Neighbors told deputies they saw Larry Norman Hill, a 57-year-old who lives on Cape Cod Drive, "completely naked" and "smashing the stranded vehicle with a golf club," a Pasco County Sheriff's Office report states. The side mirror was knocked off. The headlight ripped out. The roof caved in. The doors were opened, letting floodwater inside. 

A neighbor "told him to stop hitting the vehicle and asked him how would he like it if someone did that to his car," the report says. "The defendant told him it was his car now."

via Tampa Bay Times