People in downtown Tampa don't like the GOP Convention

Uh Oh. The good people of downtown Tampa are not that happy about the GOP Convention in their backyard. Appears that they have a sort of "Green Zone" in downtown where nobody else besides official folks are allowed.

"Don't ever bring this here again,'' said Jeff Morzella, co-owner of Fresh, a breakfast and lunch cafe on Franklin Street. "We're ready to go, but there's no one here. It's brutal.''


Tampa Bay Times 

Crazy Ninja Goes on Crime Spree in South Florida

Jon Stewart Busts on Tampa During the GOP Convention

The Daily Show with Jon Stewart
Get More: Daily Show Full Episodes,Political Humor & Satire Blog,The Daily Show on Facebook

Even Gay Prostitutes in Tampa are gearing up for the Convention

Is Tampa going to be shit show during the Republican Convention? You bet it is

We hope for comedic purposes that the "Tampafication of America" phenomenon that Salon.com has identified holds true for the GOP Convention next week. I don't agree with everything in this piece, having grown up in Tampa, but I think the overall feel is spot on. To be sure, there's a lot more open space and less traffic (both foot and vehicular) than where I live now (Brooklyn) but that's not really saying much. Overall, the city is pretty much the same as it was in the late 90s when I grew up - ie. not a lot of infrastructure and a fairly boring and service-free downtown.

We'll see how that lack of infrastructure plays out when thousands of people start cramming downtown looking for a place to get a meal and hang out. (There's not a lot, folks.) I already know two businesses who have shipped their employees elsewhere in the state for the week on fears that downtown will be completely shut down. Even my old high school has been taken over by the Secret Service - forcing some students to attend class remotely through the web.

It'll be interesting to watch all the behind-the-scenes coverage of the convention to see if anything goes awry. But, like everything else in Florida, I suspect this event will be a shit show in some form. Police are already deploying "Behavior Recognition Software" to spot criminals before they act. That's sure to cause massive round ups of naked dudes with golf clubs who have know idea that a major political convention is taking place in their city.

Another naked guy. . . this time on bath salts

Seems like bath salts, the latest bizzarre drug to appear on the scene, have found a receptive audience in Florida.

Authorities were called to Christopher Michael Hauck's Limetree Drive home about 10 a.m. Monday by a man who told them Hauck was under the drug's influence. The man told authorities he was trying to help a woman who was under attack when Hauck came at him with a piece of wood molding. After a pepper spray blast didn't subdue Hauck, the man locked himself inside a bedroom and called police, according to an arrest affidavit. Authorities say Hauck struck a responding deputy in the face and arm with a telephone. He also bit, punched, kicked and threw bottles at three others, they said. Deputies eventually subdued Hauck with a stun gun. He was charged with four counts of battery on a law enforcement officer, one count each of aggravated assault with a deadly weapon and domestic battery, and violating probation on previous convictions for grand theft and battery on a law enforcement officer. 

Tampa Bay Times 

Forget the Make My Day Law, Florida should have a Gimmie a Beer or Else Law

Well that's at least what Carolyn Dukeshire, also known as the "Sea Hag," had in mind when she shot and killed fellow lobster fisherman Martin Mazur last month.

Mazur had just gotten home from dinner and popped open a beer when the Sea Hag decided to show up asking for some brew for herself. Mazur refused and she shot him five times. Mazur's buddy grabbed Dukeshire and told her to wait for the police to arrive. Apparently, she didn't think of fleeing the scene (although she tossed the gun into the canal) and just waited for the cops to show up.

She now faces a first-degree murder charge.

(Miami Herald)